Well, it has been a year ever since I've used this blog. I must admit I found it by accident today. I started reading old posts I'd written for a Spanish literature class and I thought they were very witty. It's interesting because lately I've been going down memory lane and I have been finding things about myself I didn't remember.
I am graduating in May and I am very stressed about what's going to happen, what's next? I am in a very confused state and it's very stressful.I feel a little disoriented and maybe worthless. It just seems to be that graduation is just casting a big shadow over me with all the uncertainties that come with it. I think it is exacerbated by the fact that I've been finding people from High School on Facebook and I've compared myself to them and I feel like a loser. Fine, not all of them went to university but some have a great careers, others have a family with kids or others at least have a significant other.
I have never lived with a significant other, don't even have a job and my chances of getting infected by malaria are higher than those of having a family anytime soon. I try to go over my life and I analyze it, I have done things, I lived in Guatemala for a while, did four years of medicine, I'm finishing a bach in Canada, I had a boyfriend but it was long distance, so couldn't become anymore serious than me flying to see him or vice versa. I know I have done things others haven't, I know it's wrong to compare, however, I just can't get passed this feeling of being an underachiever... It is absolutely depressing.
A good thing in all of this is that I am not as far from my dreams when I was 17 than I thought I was; I just watched a video from highschool where I was saying that in 20 years I would probably be a journalist, with a great job and that maybe I would already be dead because I would have been somewhere in the jungle and caught some rare incurable disease. I wanted to have an adventurous life. Well, the journalist part will become true if I get in the Ma program I applied to, and the rest will ensue... I just had forgotten I wanted to be a journalist when I was younger... It's funny how without knowing people seem to go back to whom they were before. Anyways, I read my last post and now I can talk about my trip and how much I grew since then. It really made me realize that I'm totally independent and I am planing a trip for this summer to Asia if I don't get into my program. It will by far be a second best. I think I glamourized graduating a little too much. It's absolutely stressful because of the amount of incertitude that comes from it. I just hope that I will soon know what to do with my life, as I can't stand this. I know I'll learn from it, just wished it was easier.

Damn Google!!!

So I figured that if I couldn't find myself using google, maybe if I created a blog using my WHOLE name would help... Apparently it didn't... That means I will have to get some sort of award or have political success, maybe become an actress or write a paper and publish it... But that sounds pretty boring... So I guess I will have to give up my "dream" to find my name on the net... Lots of people showed up with my name, it felt a little weird, as if I had another Id. If I base myself on my findings I'm a playwriter and a psychic- Niiiiice... Not exactly what I had planned for myself but whatever...
School's started again, can't wait to see the end of it!! I'm going to Central America in may, I hope this will keep me motivated. It has actually distracted me quite a bit because I've developped this obsession for my trip and all I can think of is what to do, where to go... I'm so excited, I really hope it lives up to my expectations (which I'm trying to lower just in case... but I can't!!). So I'm in class daydreaming about it, or at home doing the same, it has gone out of hand!! LOL.
To tell the truth this will be my biggest adventure. It's the first time I will be backpacking on my own... I've travelled quite a bit before but never to go somewhere where I don't know anyone so this is part of my resolution. Although didn't make one... But I think it should be a really cool challenge and I hope to see some maturity coming out of this for myself and maybe become a wisewoman with a beird... ( If it comes with a beird...) Yeah... I need to mature, really bad, people always think I'm younger but I've begun to wonder if it is because of my "innocent, childish look" or because I DO act younger....mmm.... So I've started replying to people that ask why I look so young that I am in fact immature...
I've lost the point of this post... Hahaha! Whatever!